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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 2:59:39 GMT -5
i love little johnny jokes like this one
Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:00:16 GMT -5
Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant.
Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".
Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.
Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".
Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".
That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.
He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'".
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:04:23 GMT -5
Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.
He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."
A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"
She replies, "I lost it, honey."
A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"
Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:06:33 GMT -5
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:08:38 GMT -5
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:09:57 GMT -5
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:11:37 GMT -5
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:13:29 GMT -5
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:15:32 GMT -5
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"
Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."
"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants.
The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"
Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:17:23 GMT -5
One day there was this little boy named Johny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.
Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords
He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z"
Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a"
Then she said "Where is the p."
Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:18:33 GMT -5
The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?"
And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:20:17 GMT -5
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:22:14 GMT -5
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right!" she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:23:21 GMT -5
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back.
Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."
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Post by darknessfalls on Dec 17, 2004 3:24:28 GMT -5
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back.
Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."
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